I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
