He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
