I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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