I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
