What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need water and some morals
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
