she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
