Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
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I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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