Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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