my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
