I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
