Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
