You're completely useless in the revolution.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
