You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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