i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
