it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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