last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My cat gives me a boner
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
