??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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