He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
