i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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