I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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