i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
