So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
