I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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