just tell him i said nine months
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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