I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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