I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
