She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
