i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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