every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize