I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
