Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
