he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
