Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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