her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My dick has a subreddit
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
