3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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