his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
