omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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