She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
