I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize