I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
