they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
