help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
