I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
