piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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