There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
