Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
