Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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