Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize