I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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