I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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