I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
