i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
