nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
