would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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