Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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