My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
