the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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