are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just had sex bonerless
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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