The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
