He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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