So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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