so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
