my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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