i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.