I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...