I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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