I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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