You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
