I want to stick my p in your. b.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
