Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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