WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
