Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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