I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
