Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
