So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
