Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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