When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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