sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
