I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
