Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
